Q. Can I have flower girls in lieu of bridesmaids?
How darling! In Victorian England, having child
attendants was all the rage, and it's still a
popular British custom. Your only problem? Making
sure that the women (or men) close to you are
still on board to help out with pre-wedding tasks,
throwing a shower, and much more. Even the cutest
flower girls in the world can't provide you with
the help you'll need for this event. So if you
go the flower girl route, make sure to publicly
thank the fairy godmothers who help to make your
wedding happen (in the program or at the reception)
and throw in a nice gift, too.
My daughter is a flower girl in my sister's wedding.
We've had conversations about her attire, but
it's unclear who's paying. I want her to look
picture perfect, too, but what's the deal?
Usually, child attendants' parents pay for their
clothes, but the bride and groom will sometimes
purchase a flower girl's dress (or a ring bearer's
adorable little suit) as a gift. Ask your sister
in plain terms, so that there are no misunderstandings.
If they're receptive, maybe you can split it,
or, you pay for dress, they pay for accessories
and shoes. Just keep in mind that, like bridesmaids
and groomsmen, agreeing to be in the wedding generally
means you're willing to purchase an outfit. So,
we say go for a multi-purpose gown (the wedding,
birthday parties, holidays, etc.). Paying for
your childs outfit is not in lieu of a wedding
gift(s). So isn't it great our dresses are so
There's some concern about inviting our 6-year-old
flower girl (a niece) and 4-year-old ring bearer
(a nephew) to the rehearsal dinner, especially
since the reservation is for 8pm. My fiance's
mother does not want to invite them to the dinner
because they are so young; my parents disagree
-- they are part of the wedding party. I can understand
both points of view, but I don't know what we
would do with them after the rehearsal. Who makes
the call? The host (my fiance's mom) or the couple?
There's no strict etiquette -- whether or not
child attendants are invited to the rehearsal
dinner is up to you ("you" meaning the
couple and the hosts of the party, often the groom's
parents). It is appropriate to invite her to the
dinner, since she will be at the rehearsal and
they are part of the wedding party -- especially
if their parents will be there, too! Perhaps you
and your fiance should try to talk about this
issue with his mom to see if you can change her
mind. It might be a something very logical. Is
your wedding the next day? If so, let the poor
child sleep! You will be sorry if you don't! Check
in with the parents, too. Maybe they already have
a plan (i.e., a babysitter is coming to pick them
up at 9:30).
I'm a bridesmaid, and the bride's having her baby
sister as the flower girl. I mean, she's cute,
but I really don't want to have to be in charge
of policing a 4-year-old's every move. Is "babysitting"
her one of my duties?
Yes and no. For the day of the wedding, the bride may
ask you to check her sister's appearance before she goes
down the aisle, smooth her dress, fix her hair wreath,
etc. You might also have to take her to the restroom a
couple of times. You can handle this, we know you can!
As for the reception, we think you're off the hook. Parents
will probably take charge, anyway. When it comes to the
party, you should be free to run with an older crowd.
But, ask what the expectations of the bride are first.
But, yes during the ceremony, if you've been asked, you
must be someone the bride trusts, so be honored!
Does the flower girl or ring bearer stand in the
Not usually, but if she's daughter or son to one
of the newlyweds, then they should definitely
be included. This is a big day for them, too.
Don't forget her/him.
I'm one of 6 bridesmaids, and I was wondering
what the seating at the head table should be.
In addition to the 12 attendants (6 guys for the
6 girls), there are two 5-year-old flower girls.
Is it proper for the girls to sit with us or should
be directed to sit with their parents?
It's not up to anyone in the the wedding party to decide
where anyone's going to sit at the reception -- only the
bride and groom can say that. And it really would go back
to what they gave the caterer or event planner for seating
arrangements. Still, the young children in the wedding
party (under 12) generally sit with their parents at the
reception. Its only fair because the parents are the ones
who know what they will and will not eat.
Are the flower girls or ring bearers daughters or sons
to the bride or groom? If that's the case, then you should
count on sharing table space with their little ones and
helping out as much as you can! Remember, this is only
one day, try to help make it as smooth as possible.